im drinking this country out of the recession.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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