Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
