: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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