stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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