DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
