And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
