I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
