This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
