Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
