THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
