I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
