If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this will be a night to untag.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
