the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is classic penis vs brain.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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