it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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