I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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