Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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