sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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