If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
