My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
