the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
