Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
