we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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