So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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