I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
