i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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