She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
