Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
