Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
