No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
