Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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