Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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