In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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