You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need water and some morals
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
