i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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