uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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