Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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