New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
