i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
