He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
