I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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