ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
