if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
