You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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