Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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