I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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