i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
