I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
