Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it penis luge time yet?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
