Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
