Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
